Pokemon Go!

Pokemon Go!

I have no doubt that you will have heard of Pokemon Go. I mean, come on, the app has over 75 million downloads so, if you haven’t heard of the game you’re living under a rock. And if you haven’t downloaded the game, you’re simply trying to preserve your “cool” status, or your “adult”-ness. But, my dearest reader, life is too short to be worrying about what others think about you, I mean look at me! I went on a 7 mile walk around a North Devon headland with my friends for Pokemon Go.

Pokemon Go, in a non-sugar coated way, is simply a means for geeks to get out more. This is because the game uses real life locations, which forces you to adventure out in the daunting real world. Dun. Dun Dun. It may be a scary prospect for those of you non-goers, but I promise it isn’t as terrible as you think. One aspect of the game is eggs, collectable from Pokéstops (I’ll go into more detail about these later). To hatch these hypothetical eggs, you need to walk a certain amount of kilometres, either 2km, 5km or 10km and the more km you walk, the rarer the Pokémon will be. For those of you lazier readers wondering if you can somehow bypass the need for walking, you can’t. I've tried. When the game was new to me, I got rather excited about how I could hatch precious eggs by driving back and forth to McDonald’s, picking up a Happy Meal on the way. Sadly this wasn’t the case, the app will only deem you to be walking if you’re crawling around a roundabout at the average walking speed of 3.1 mph. And for those of you who think that it’s based on steps like those fancy-shmancy fitness monitors, this doesn’t work either. I jiggled my phone up and down for what felt like an eternity only to realise it uses GPS to track your whereabouts. Doh.


So, I’ll now talk about Pokéstops - real life locations, meaning you have to travel to them in person. Well, you could get someone else to log onto your account and collect the 'loot', but my rating of you would go significantly down. The loot that you can gain from these Pokéstops is quite varied. I shall list a few of my personal favourites:

  • Poké Ball - Every man & woman’s necessity within the game; without it, you can’t catch those all important Pokémon.

  • Great/Ultra Ball - Like the Poké Ball, only better. It has a higher catch rate to make sure those pesky Pikachus stay where they belong - crammed inside a ball.

  • Master Ball - The big daddy of all Poké Balls. They have a 100% catch rate. Take that drowzee, ain’t nobody escaping now. *Insert Maniacal Laugh Here*

  • Incense - This attracts Pokémon to you. This is especially good for all of you who prefer not to be moved from your comfortable sofa - why move when they can come to you?

  • Eggs - These wonderful presents, that were briefly touched upon earlier, are a means for capturing new Pokémon to add them to your Pokédex.

  • Egg Incubator - Without this bad boy, you wouldn’t be able to hatch your precious eggs, you stick the egg in, walk a bit and bish bash bosh, bob’s your uncle, fanny’s your aunt, they hatch.

  • Razz Berry - When trying to catch Pokémon, some of the little blighters break free from your Poké Ball, and you have to attempt to catch them again. Not only can this be extremely punishing on your self esteem, I have found myself on the brink of tears after a Pokémon broke free 5 times asking myself “Why do they hate me?”, it can get THAT frustrating. However, don’t fret, as the Razz Berry is here to save all of your problems (sort of)! Simply feed one of them to the Pokémon before trying to catch it and the chances of it breaking free are smaller.

  • Revive - If one of your Pokémons has fainted during a battle, this gives them a quick shake and a prod and wakes them up. It also restores half of the Pokémon’s maximum HP which is cool I suppose.

  • Super Potion - This is the older brother to the Potion. After battling your Pokémons, they may lose HP (health points), simply “spray” this potion on one of your Pokémon in need, and it will restore 50 HP.

  • Potion - This is the little brother of the Super Potion. It carries out the same function as the Super Potion, only this time it only restores 20 HP. Disappointing, I know.

That is more than enough on Pokéstops. There’s plenty more but I will finish with the one great bonus of these Pokéstops. They attract newcomers to places that they haven’t even heard of. I’ve learnt more about specific tomb stones and the history of them in the time that I’ve been playing than I have about taxes (to which I say: sort that out Justine Greening, we need lessons in the financial things in life!).

Well that’s it, I’ve spoken about Pokémon Go to my hearts content. Well not really...I could go on about how the human race (including myself) has become so juvenile. But it’s the bittersweet reality my dear. Now those of you who are already playing the game before reading this blog, go and catch the Pokémon of your dreams. And for those of you who refuse to categorise yourself within the realm of Pokémon Go, I must say that you should stop lying to yourself, we all know you want to play, or at least try.

What have you got to lose? Your dignity? Nah. Your friends? Well, they’re already playing it.

It’s time for my departure or I’ll miss my flight to the sofa, and I’ve got a Rhydon to catch.

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